and we've wondered why i have issues with trust.
unbelievable! how ignorant i've become to idiots/humanity! i'm ashamed of how things have turned for the worst. i had trusted that idiot of a lab partner, i took his word, and for a 65% on a 100pt project! i want to scream, i want to cry, and i want to be angry. i thought at first that the frustration came from his unreliance but now i realize that i'm angry with myself for ever letting my guard down. that i ever put most of my faith in his word that he'd just get it done like he had said. i'm furious. i hate working with people because of this reason. this is why i'm such a loner- because people refuse to use their common sense and sensibility.
i also thought that stavar would respect my decision not to do academic decathlon (for only next year!) because i was trying to be responsible. i told him that my classes were going to be very difficult for me and i didn't need distractions. on the other hand, it's not possible to do well in decathlon and be distracted. but no! go ahead and just walk away. leave me feeling like i've disappointed someone like usual. i hate feeling like i'm not being my potential but i'm really trying. i really wish i could talk to my mom and just cry.
i'm so tired of trying and then that not being good enough. i want the school year to be over already. i want to go home- at this point that can be here or in WA. i feel a bit lost again on that subject and i'm really trying to ignore what i realize is inevitable in this case. when i find myself in the same upright fetal position in the corner of my room in WA crying because i can't physically make myself pack anymore. because i want it to stop. because i wish it could work both ways somehow. because it hurts a little more everytime i leave one of my homes. like the most terrible pain, an invisible knife running through my middle everytime i have to leave the people i love.
stupid bell. next class.
