Freeze Me in a Frame

Here's some of my photographs that I've taken this summer. They aren't in order though because of the stupid computer. Oh well. Enjoy! (if anyone actually reads this/doubt it) :)

"In the Depths of My Heart"
-I entered this one in the Kitsap Faire. See? The pool of water looks like a heart. Cool huh?

"Glory Mountain"

-Admit it, it looks pretty glorious. Well that's the only thing that comes to my mind. I took it in Yellowstone.

-I went white water rafting in Yellowstone! It was amazing and I'd totally do it again but I want it to be more extreme. We cruised on smooth waters for 1/2 the time.

- This is our RV. This is us watching it being towed. For more on this hilarious and excrutiating story, let me know and I'll get you covered.

"A Promise, A Prayer"
-Isn't she beautiful? We went to my Aunt Judi's wedding and she was gorgeous. This is my favorite of the 200 or so that I took that day.

-This is my good friend Demetrius and I being dramatic. lol. He came up to visit but I only saw him for a day! He graduated this year and we had fun catching up. (He's really on his knees here. He's actually 6 foot something tall...)

-Crunch! My 1 and a half year old cousin, Porter. He's beyond adorable. and that slice of watermelon is way too big for him.

-I'm 16! My family put this hat on me and started singing. It was a lot of fun.

Renae (far right)- "Brandon come here and lets see if we can light this one up."
Brandon (middle)- "You realize we look like a couple of stoners, right?"
Me- "Aww! I burned myself with the sparkler...again."
*Why you don't play with fire(works)*

"Reflections"
-This is on the wonderful beach of Seaside, Oregon. I love the effect the wet sand gave. It made a simple picture of my sister and Renae walking on the beach into something beautiful.

-I've been volunteering at the Poulsbo Marine Science Center lately and I brought my camera with me this week. (Above): A close up of Mr.Sam the octopus' suction cups. (Below): What a pain in my butt to try and get a nice focused pic of a jellyfish. It came out spectacularly with the help of some last minute ideas. It's like the jellyfish has a rainbow in its DNA.

-Just another close up I thought came out pretty cool looking.


I hope you like my quick and brief excerpts of this summer. Love yas! -nel

Not So Brief, Briefing.

I'd say I was sorry that I haven't been on here in a while or some other blah blah blah lingo, but honestly I just haven't had the time.

Its the roadtrip of my summer! Spent the night in the RV last night but we were still up at 6 am when we set off. The Beast (aka the motor home) took some getting used to at first light but once we learned to hold on to the bed above the driver's cabin it wasn't bad at all. I'm so glad we have The Beast (come to think of it)- its really nice not being crammed in the back of a car/SUV and having to deal with my little sister 24/7. "Stop kicking me...", "I can't get comfortable...", "Don't talk to me..." blah blah ugh. But today was much, much better because we all had plenty of room to sleep, lounge, and eat snacks (Juicy Juice rocks). We drove almost twelve hours- twelve hours!- today and by 3:30 I was sick of just sitting around in this heat trap like some thawing turkey. Yeah, I just made that outragous comparison.

I arrived in Seattle Thursday around midnight (ugh) and Friday dad took me to get my new camera. I love it: no joke. Its a Sony and awesome. I got to try it out at Renae's graduation Saturday. I'm so proud of her and I still am having trouble believing it. Sunday, we held a small graduation party for her. Gossip and Drama- who would of thunk it huh? Old Church ladies gossiping away and sipping coffee in the house, "here's some money, congratulations...so like I said Dorthy, Michigan was quite nice...". Outside on the deck there was plenty of drama and it made me giggle inside. Poor Nae, going through so much. She's got to deal with all this drama she doesn't deserve and has so much homework! We were talking about it tonight, actually. Heck, I'm not even taking her American Lit. class (online) and I was moaning about it right along with her.

Today's drive, by the way, was absolutley beautiful. Oregon especially was so interesting and I took most of my pics driving through there. Forests, rivers, different colors and tones in the waters, mountains, plains, and plenty of railroads winding along the hills. Well...I liked it. But maybe that's just because I'm weird and stuff.

Tonight, after we hooked up the camper at the RV site in Boise, Idaho; we went to the hotel that the Caulfield's were staying at. It is sooo nice there. We ate some pizza, went down to the indoor pool, came back up for showers, ate more pizza, and then hung out in my cousin Katie's room for an hour or so. Not failing to mention how much I beat on my cousin Brandon in a short 3 hours or so, lol.

Now that I've procrastinated to attempt sleeping, I think I'll log off for good.

Days of mochas and chapped lips,
_nel.

My Invisible Knife of Love

and we've wondered why i have issues with trust.

unbelievable! how ignorant i've become to idiots/humanity! i'm ashamed of how things have turned for the worst. i had trusted that idiot of a lab partner, i took his word, and for a 65% on a 100pt project! i want to scream, i want to cry, and i want to be angry. i thought at first that the frustration came from his unreliance but now i realize that i'm angry with myself for ever letting my guard down. that i ever put most of my faith in his word that he'd just get it done like he had said. i'm furious. i hate working with people because of this reason. this is why i'm such a loner- because people refuse to use their common sense and sensibility.

i also thought that stavar would respect my decision not to do academic decathlon (for only next year!) because i was trying to be responsible. i told him that my classes were going to be very difficult for me and i didn't need distractions. on the other hand, it's not possible to do well in decathlon and be distracted. but no! go ahead and just walk away. leave me feeling like i've disappointed someone like usual. i hate feeling like i'm not being my potential but i'm really trying. i really wish i could talk to my mom and just cry.

i'm so tired of trying and then that not being good enough. i want the school year to be over already. i want to go home- at this point that can be here or in WA. i feel a bit lost again on that subject and i'm really trying to ignore what i realize is inevitable in this case. when i find myself in the same upright fetal position in the corner of my room in WA crying because i can't physically make myself pack anymore. because i want it to stop. because i wish it could work both ways somehow. because it hurts a little more everytime i leave one of my homes. like the most terrible pain, an invisible knife running through my middle everytime i have to leave the people i love.

stupid bell. next class.

Abnormal Is Just My Reality

i've just cancelled plans for a typical normal teenager on a friday night. is that wrong?
i almost considered just going to a movie by myself. i must be wrong in the head or something, right? no wonder renae thinks i'm unhealthy; you know like a kid who's never in the sun. pale, plain, boring...just unhealthy. reading Grapes of Wrath isn't so bad i guess.

Acid Rain Tastes Bittersweet

almost five weeks left until summer, about thirty-three minutes left until i cut open a fetal pig, and a little more than six hours until my school day is over with. *sigh*... i really need to read my grapes of wrath. school immensly sucks. Renae went shopping for her prom dress and i wish i was there with her. i miss her so much. juicy juice is delicious, if that wasn't already mentioned before now. pretty pirate anklet on the right. clouds in my mind and i feel stuffy. i want to go home please. not this, never this.

i feel so confused again, but hey aren't i always confused? this year i feel so empty and i have no freaking idea why. maybe...its because i've had myself so convinced that everything in my life was, if not wonderful, normal in some pecuilar way. i was so convinced that my "friends" were truly my friends, and my beliefs and thoughts were too. i think i was wrong in almost everyway. despite renae, i honestly don't have any friends. i have aquintances, and i have connections, but nothing more than that.

i recently had an adult tell me that they wished they were a teenager again. i laughed. "what?", what you say? maybe i laugh at you openly because i hate, hate, hate being a teenager. i hate it when i say something to adults and get a positive reaction and say the same thing to these people and they look at me like i'm some one-eyed freak. i know it is and always has been true. stop stepping on me, looking down at me, and walking past me like i'm invisible. it wasn't suppose to be this way. they said these would be the greatest moments of my life...idiots.

so why do i laugh at you? how could i not, exactly? you cannot seriously look me in the eyes and tell me that being a teenager was the best thing to ever happen to you, that you were never torn apart at the seams, and tears never fell down your face in an empty bathroom stall because it wasn't right.

i.am.the.oddball.out.

will i be okay in the end? "without tears the soul would have no rainbow." i guess if you must, rain on. maybe i'll wash away with the dust.

My Rotten Cherry

completely and indefinatly bored out of my freaking cranium.

thank goodness its friday...i was getting worried that it'd never come. i'm so tired and now stressed, but what's new there? i'm getting a border line D in bio 2 and i had got a B on the test that we'd just taken. why, how?! and today, to top it all of with some rotten cherry, is the last day of the grading period. THE LAST FREAKING DAY OF THE GRADING PERIOD. someone might as well call the cops now cuz i'm going to kill myself if that stays a D...oh my god...my parents are going to kill me first! you watch. i'll have the hoop around my neck and my mom will come in, save me from myself, and then kill me to prove a point. i guess thats love?

KABOOM.

and my head explodes...

i don't think i can survive this. its eating away at my well being and i wish all of my homework would just randomly disappear. i cannot wait until summer any longer; when the weather is so warm it seems to dissolve away all of my problems, the days seem endless, and i'm being crazy with my friend Renae. some how, some way i have to get a research paper draft done, a history project completed, and study for my biology 2 test that's tomorrow morning. i cannot fail. please, don't let me fail! if i fail, i fall. when i fall, i can hardly move; my body becomes mangled and my thoughts surrounded in depressing bliss. maybe that's an exaggeration on how much i actually care about schoolwork. lets consider it more of a generalization on my life as a whole, shall we?

if only duct-tape and paperclips worked on everything, eh? wouldn't that be wonderful... cross my heart and hope to die, maybe there's no more hope for me. what the hec is L-O-V-E anyways? I bet its all my imagination, maybe it doesn't even exist...its not like i'm asking for a future husband here. can't a girl just have someone to talk to and to trust? a little love in the world wouln't hurt, would it? would a little love hurt? maybe the world has a broken heart too. although, the difference between us would be the world got its broken heart through countless disappointments after thousands of years...i'm still a bit broken after only one. does staying somewhat broken after all this time because of some stupid "relationship" (for lack of a better word) mean i'm weak? or does it mean i'm simply cynical about it all, previously full of the illusion that everything would be a fairytale and even the heartbreaks would be okay-not one ever hurting me? it feels like everyone else has gotten more than one chance except me: a chance to be happy.

911, please call an ambulance to clean up this mess.