At least I think it is Sunday. I've been awake since 8 a.m. yesterday and I barely slept on the flight to Katy, Texas. We went over to the Pulley house around 7 p.m. and had a bonfire until 3 a.m. Bryce stayed with us until we left for the airport and I suddenly felt clingy and sad. It's going to be a long week.
In the past twenty-four hours I've consumed 2 mountain dews, 2 grande triple-shot mochas, and one bottle of water. I'm still exhausted. The flight went well and Uncle Darrell met us at the airport, where we loaded into a large, white van. With all nine passengers and myself, I wondered if we were being kidnapped, smuggled into Texas, or if we were just on our mission trip.
At the moment, we are hanging out in the church that is hosting us (which ironically is named Memorial Lutheran compared to our own church Community of Christ at Memorial Lutheran). We get the entire second floor to the rec building to ourselves and the youth room in filled with couches to sleep on. It's wonderful compared the the shipping containers and metal bunks we stayed in on last year's New Orleans trip.
........
10:40 p.m.
Our main contact at the Krause Children's Treatment Center, Jason, came to talk to us and then we went to the the center for the first time. It was nerve-wracking being put into a gym with a bunch of teens. Keeping the conversation going was sometimes more difficult than starting one. We spent most of the time playing four-square and the guys were a lot nicer than the girls.
Monday
We wake up at 7 a.m. and have to be ready by 8:15, which is more difficult than it sounds considering I'm two hours behind and not a morning person. The church we are staying at has their Vacation Bible School this week and we'll be volunteers for them until Friday. This church is larger than ours and consequently has more kids than I'm used to in one place. Miranda, Peter and I are going to be in the music room all week. I have a feeling I'll know all of these Preschool songs for the rest of my life.
VBS ends around noon and we come back for lunch and free time. We also used this time to figure out what we'll be doing at the worship service at Krause. Every day we have to create our own service and I'm not sure how the kids will react to what we do. Apparently the kids go on a volunteer basis but that doesn't give me much comfort.
........
We each went up and gave brief testimonies about why we are here in Katy and why we want to help these kids. I wasn't specific about my own experiences. I was slightly shaking because I hate public speaking and I couldn't bring myself to look at people's faces. I was the only person tonight who said they used to be angry at God. I hope that made some sort of impact.
We came "home" after playing games in the gym for two hours and started planning tomorrow's worship service. More caffeine. We said our highs and lows of the day, did devotions and then prayer partners. I don't want to talk anymore. I don't want to think about the stories I've already heard. I feel like they can see right through me. I want to close my eyes and scream.
We came "home" after playing games in the gym for two hours and started planning tomorrow's worship service. More caffeine. We said our highs and lows of the day, did devotions and then prayer partners. I don't want to talk anymore. I don't want to think about the stories I've already heard. I feel like they can see right through me. I want to close my eyes and scream.
Tuesday
I'm exhausted. We've only been here three days and I want a break. I still don't want to talk to anyone. I feel guilty about not sharing with people but it's too difficult.
The kids like to play Ultimate Frisbee but we use a rubber chicken because it's more fun. Have you ever tried to throw or catch a rubber chicken? It's awkward and silly.
I'm exhausted. We've only been here three days and I want a break. I still don't want to talk to anyone. I feel guilty about not sharing with people but it's too difficult.
The kids like to play Ultimate Frisbee but we use a rubber chicken because it's more fun. Have you ever tried to throw or catch a rubber chicken? It's awkward and silly.
I met a girl today. I decided to sit alone for worship because I didn't want to be there. She (let's call her Cassy) came in the room and made a last minute decision to sit next to me. We didn't talk the entire time and I didn't find out her name until dinner. Another girl (call her Sally?) sat in the room in front of mine but has talked to me several times already. I think she wants to talk more. The kids requested a song and I had never heard it before. It was heartbreaking and I realized that Sally and Cassy were both crossing their arms like myself with their heads down.
I need to talk to them.
Thursday
I'm aware that there is a day gap. Yesterday we went to the Houston aquarium and to the ocean. It was cloudy all day but the water was warm. Pastor took us to Chick-Fil-A and we had a good time. Pastor kept saying that this was a life changing experience (going to Chick-Fil-A, that is). This was the only day we could take pictures (because we aren't permitted at the places we volunteer).
On another note, I took Miranda to the Emergency Room tonight. We were setting up for worship and she stepped back and then collapsed into a chair. She said it felt like her bone moved but the xrays came back good. She's in a brace and crutches to help with the sprain. I'm glad it went smoothly. She has a high pain tolerance and I knew it was bad when she started crying. I was upset but as soon as I realized she was seriously injured I went into this weird calm. Pastor and I took her to the ER and the rest of the group staying at Krause.
When we came back to pick them up though, we could tell something was wrong. The looks on their faces was as if they witnessed death. I don't know how else to describe it. Apparently, they had just left the building when a girl that Erica had spoken to jumped a side fence. She looked at them and then ran away. We're in shock. We're hurt. I'm confused.
When we came back to pick them up though, we could tell something was wrong. The looks on their faces was as if they witnessed death. I don't know how else to describe it. Apparently, they had just left the building when a girl that Erica had spoken to jumped a side fence. She looked at them and then ran away. We're in shock. We're hurt. I'm confused.
Friday
It's the last day here. I don't know how to talk about it. We played board games at Krause and I got to see Sally again. I wanted to talk to her so much but I didn't know how, so we just played UNO. I didn't see Cassy until worship and she sat next to me again. She smiles now. She wanted to know where we were yesterday. I'm going to miss her because she's such a sweetheart.
I gave the mini sermon at worship and was shaking pretty bad. I wrote it at lunch and it was about prayer. Everyone told me it was good but I wish I hadn't been so nervous. I couldn't look at their faces again. Cassy and "L" sat next to me. I can't think about leaving them. I just think about the girl who was waving to us from the trailer when we arrived. I think about the girl who told Ally that she saved her life. I think about Cassy and L and Sally hugging me and joking that I should put them in a duffell bag and take them home. Cassy hugged me three times and I could barely hold back my tears. I don't want to leave, now that we are finally comfortable with visiting and talking to them.
On the other hand, I want to go home. I don't want to think about this everyday.
Monday
We packed up and left Katy, Texas on Saturday morning. Friday night we found out that my dog had to be put down and I had to tell my sister. I held her in my arms and we both cried. My baby is gone and that's still unbelievable to me. Saturday we drove to Humble, TX to spend the afternoon at Darrell's house. He made amazing bbq and we had a good time in the pool. I don't think any of us wanted to think about the people we were leaving behind.
Our flight was delayed an hour and a half but thankfully we made it home that night. I went over to dinner at my parent's house and cried because I wasn't greeted by Starbucks. I feel like I'm living as a different person. I don't know how to reflect on this week. I was so busy and emotionally exhausted every day that now I feel numb. I'm happy to be home but it's like my brain isn't sure what to do now.
