It would surely be impossible to transcribe all of the things my mother has taught me, however, I feel the need to write down a key few that have helped me in my young adult life compared to, let's say, "Chanel, push your drink back from the table or you will spill it." (Funny enough, I still find myself doing this for other people without thinking of how odd it might be for them.)
One
When I was so anxious that I could not physically force myself out of the car and in to the school bus that would take me to the Academic Decathlon competition, you grasped my hand firmly with yours and said, "Take a deep breath. Every time you feel like crying, laugh."
Two
We were sharing a bed at my grandparents' house. We had not slept next to each other in years and I was visiting for spring break. It was like a novel in a way, laying next to my mother and at the the foot of the bed were gauze-like curtains that made a thunderstorm seem theatrical. The lightening softly illuminated the small guest bedroom and I could not help but recall the time she had taught my brother and I how to waltz in a summer thunderstorm when we were younger.
She pulled me close to face her and asked, "Chanel, when will you start taking chances?" In order to love and trust someone to begin with, she said, you must learn to let go. Learn to live a little. That was a few days after Bryce had told me he liked me and a month later we started dating. I'm extremely grateful I took that chance.
Three
"What do you have to lose?"
I had called my mother crying. Crying because I felt lost, confused, and at the moment quite angry. Things were finally looking up. I had a good job, I had moved out and I was living with Bryce. I had not expected to start thinking that he thought the Airforce might be a good option for him. It was ultimately my choice but how could I begin to make that choice? I had no future plans and yet I had no idea what that would mean for us. She spoke calmly into the phone.
"What do you have to lose? I don't mean that in a negative way but you are a time in your life when you can still take risks and if things don't work out, you pick up the pieces and move on. Who knows? This might be a positive thing. You have to make the choice for yourself, no one else. You are stronger than you know."
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I have seen her during extremely low points and during wonderfully high points. She can tell when I need to talk to her even if I put on a cheery voice. She taught me to respect my elders, how to always listen, to help anyone who needs it but to realize that they won't change if they don't also try to help themselves. She teaches me to be strong when I sometimes cannot find the strength to get out of bed. She teaches me to constantly learn from people and educate myself. She teaches me that making other people happy before me is no way to truly be happy in life. My mother teaches me that life is hard and it is whatever you make of it.
She is the strongest person I have ever known. No matter their age, or if they may disagree with her; people still show her a deep respect simply because she is firm (or perhaps this strength is just genetic stubbornness?). No definitely firm and strong...like a sequoia tree even ;] (this is where you laugh at my use of metaphors, momma.)
I love you. If I could, I would draw you a picture to go here but, alas, I lost my box of crayons while traveling. (For you readers, this is not a joke. I seriously lost my box of crayons and it was cool because it had one of those fancy crayon sharpeners on the back of the box. Damn you Crayola!)
