A Continuation of Midnight Ramblings

I really must be insane. It's my only logical conclusion at this point in time. It is Thanksgiving night and I am waiting for three hours to pass by so I can go shopping with my mom for Black Friday sales...that doesn't sound sane in any way. I'm attempting to write this but so far I've been distracted numerous times.

I made my grandma's homemade apple pie today...the top crust was a fail but it was yummy nonetheless. It was my first thanksgiving here in WA and I had a good time, but I missed my other family members too. I guess they had new york strip instead of turkey in Ohio...I'm still rather jealous. They also made my "oops I overcooked the potatoes so lets make mashed potatoes instead" recipe haha. I came up with it last year by adding bacon, onions cooked in a little beer and garlic. yummm.

It's taking a lot from me to not pull down one of my books right now. I know that once I begin, I'll not do anything else (like homework, etc). Two more weeks and I'll be able to read until my eyes pop out, yay....I just came to the conclusion that by writing on here I'm not particularly accounting my day or discussing something meaningful...I'm simply talking to myself....oh dear.

...I'm not sure I want to continue..

Footprints of Ink

I cannot focus today. I'm being stubborn on purpose, and I know it. I feel like a five-year-old slamming my fists on the ground because I know things need to be done, but I really don't want to do them. I have a paper that is due Wednesday, I have laundry flowing over the rim of my hamper and spilling on the floor, I have a headache, the weather is gray and gross, and I have this over whelming urge to crawl under my covers and sleep for a few days.

All of these things have contributed to my bitter mood today and I hate how cynical I sound. Please forgive me if I say something mean and unnecessary, please? I'm truly sorry. I'm exhausted, I'm stressed out, and I feel burnt out. I don't know how to fix this. I don't know what to do right now in order to make myself feel better.

It is immensely difficult to sit down and feel this urge to write something that has nothing to do with my class or the newspaper, and not be able to properly convey how I am feeling. All my words taste dry on my tongue and when I write it's as if my pen is barely full of ink. I hope that this christmas break will prove to be energizing.

I know I'm on the right path but its like I'm walking around aimless without dropping breadcrumbs, just in case.

I Can Hear My Monotone

Despite the fact I have been writing constantly, it has been far too long since I last recorded my stupid little thoughts on this stupid little blog. Why have it? I'm still trying to answer that question...I should be writing another paper for my college class, but I have literally tossed it aside out of frustration. I feel brain-dead. I feel exhausted. I feel like I still have a lot of catching up to do.

Recently my life has revolved around: my Marketplace of Ideas class, The Olympian newspaper (where I will be hired to work for next quarter), my volunteer work at Children of the Nations, my addiction to caffeine despite my lack of income, the newspaper, writing, and not nearly enough sleep. I had to drop my math class because I couldn't manage my time properly anymore. There are so many things I need to do, I want to do, and I keep forgetting to do.

I feel as if my brain is slowly being nuked by the microwave I associate with college. Everyday I go find some caffeine to intake in order to get my thoughts flowing. It lasts for a while...eventually I crash, burn, and either nap or play Nintendo 64 Mario on the projector screen.

Yesterday, I went with Kaylee to Seattle. We both chopped off our long hair, went to the art museum, and ate fantastic pasta. That was a lovely day :] Today, I went back to Seattle with my family and saw the Harry Potter movie in the Imax theater. We got the best seats ever (thank you Miranda for temporarily being in a wheelchair?) and afterwards walked through the Harry Potter exhibition. I was sorted into Ravenclaw, I pulled Mandrakes from pots, and I sat in Hagrid's big, leather chair. It was another good day.

I miss my best friends...still. I think I mentioned this in my last post...I still miss my family too.

..Geez, this sounds so pathetic.

The Numbers Have It: I Like Writing More.

If there is one thing that I know for sure, the removal of wisdom teeth (the surgery itself) is not nearly as bad as the week to follow. Sure it sucked being stuck on the sofa for several days, too drugged out to do much but sleep and have "loopy" conversations with my newspaper editor (arguing claims over an academic paper on disturbing topics and claiming green onions are the reasons aliens in Hollywood are often green skinny things). And sure it was painful to realize just how obsessed Americans are with food (there are too many pizza commercials on television than is healthy for society), particularly when I couldn't eat anything solid for six days. Nothing could have prepared me for the stomach-ache (literally as well as figuratively) my pain medications caused. I am glad that those nights are over and I am delighted that I can eat real food again.

I miss my best friends. I miss the one who is only ten minutes away just as much as the one who is 2485 miles away. I miss talking to them and unconciously letting all of my stress melt away. They help me stay happy, and lately I'm not nearly as happy as I know I could be.

I miss my mother, father, and brother. I miss the fall drives we always would take in the beautiful valleys of Ohio in the autumn right about now. The other day we drove spontaneously through the outer back-roads of the Olympian mountains. It reminded me of those long drives in Ohio and, while it may have been comforting and peaceful, I just wanted to hug my mom.

I'm studying for my stupid Math 99 class and trying to memorize all the anal rules and OCD ways my teacher wants us to write answers down. Its just a little ridiculous. I wish I could have not gone to class and instead stayed at the volunteer position I have at Children of the Nations. Its quiet, productive, and pleasant there. Plus, I feel like I'm contributing to society.

Write to you later. I really must focus now :P

College Requires: Pens, Caffeine, & Paper

I'm not sure if I'm exhausted or excessively caffeinated at this point. Its a Wednesday, the middle of my school week and I'm tired, but when I go to bed I struggle falling asleep. I'm too excited, too eager about going back to school the next day. I love my Journalism/English 101 class. I don't even notice when three hours go by because I am completely absorbed. Math...is easy and boring. I'm sure that I only find it easy because its Day # 3 but what else is there to do? I finished all the practice and homework problems for the rest of the week. Tomorrow, I have no idea what I shall do in class again. Perhaps, I will start brainstorming questions for my newspaper articles.

My article for the school paper made the front page. Financial aid is quite an important issue, and I hadn't realized my editor gave me that kind of challenge. It came into print yesterday :] I have been nothing but smiles.

For having so much happen in such a short amount of time, I cannot think of anything else to say. I'm tired but extremely happy.

Simply Exhausted.

Freshman orientation is worse than my high school freshman orientation in the fact that I didn't know the majority of those people since kindergarten. I didn't know the campus, the best places to park, or the location of the nearest soda machine (I've now found that the cheapest ones are tucked behind the off limits/under construction area by the Tech Building. 50 cents for a soda!) I walked in, grabbed a free lanyard, collected the free folder full of information they were passing out, and then suddenly realized that I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't have any friends there to hide by or to talk to. I looked to my right and thankfully a girl was doing the same thing as myself. Introductions, hello my name is...we found safety in our common shyness...That was all Wednesday.

Spent most of the week seeing Renae here and there. Drinking mochas here and there. Yesterday I worked at the college newspaper. I still feel awkward and hesitant to ask too many questions. It was beautiful to walk through the campus on my own. It was sprinkling (of course) and chilly but magical all the same. Everything was calm and quiet except the crunching of leaves here and there. Then I spent the night at Renae's house and talked to Eddie on Skype too. It was nice to speak with both of my best friends at the same time. I'm always missing one of them, it seems.

I'm tired of missing.

Is Not Afraid of Commitment, But Instead Clowns

I desperately need school to start, even though I only have a week left. I was actually productive all day and am acting as the errand runner for the next three days. I am surprisingly happy with this prospect; it means that I will be forced into leaving the house by 7:45 every morning.

A bitter taste in my mouth. Blackberry soda turned out tasting like root-beer and grape Kool-aid had a love child. I am pondering my bittersweet day. Sweet in the sense that I achieved three interviews and photographs for my newspaper article. Bitter by running into your parents. I think they hate me now, but I could never explain to them what happened. Where everything began to fall apart. I willingly hold my tongue because I promised you I would. I promised you and have kept this promise dammit. I wish I could smile at them again. I wish I could talk to you again. Most of all I wish things had been different. They weren't and I have moved on.