Like An Impostor of My Childhood

I'm laying in my bed after seven months of moving away to Washington state. It's the same room I slept in since I was five and I feel rather odd being here. The furniture still remains but nothing else fills these empty shelves. The desk isn't cluttered with an array of papers, journals, doodles, and unsorted receipts. My dresser has no perfume, jewelry, or childhood collectibles on top of it anymore. There is a curious feeling I can't pinpoint that's associated with being in this white-walled shell of my childhood. It's only been seven months and already I feel like a different person; almost an impostor in my own home.

I have so many memories that I've thought about, just by laying in my bed right now. I can recount the sleepless nights, the afternoons wasted listening to music on my bed doodling rather than doing homework, the frustrations I cried over as a stupid thirteen year old, the happy feelings that derived from friendships and family, the hollow feeling I felt when a relationship didn't work out well and the lovely feelings when they did. Its striking how we can contain such an array of memories in an object or a place; I think its beautiful.

I've been awake for about twenty hours now because I took the Airporter bus at 2 a.m.. I hope I can adjust to this time zone quickly. One thing I have always loved about flying is the clouds and I took several photos of them with the snowy mountains today. I particularly love how the clouds look like a separate world and no one can touch them, they remain pure. I feel so small when I'm looking down at Earth but I could never ignore how beautiful and calming it is to look down at thousands of people in an instant. That's simply incredible. The earth looks like a slab of clay that goes on forever, molded and kneaded into mountains, rivers, valleys and plains.

On a different note, I hate it when you want to talk to someone but you are afraid of coming off like you're annoying. I don't know why but I can't help it. I hate how everything that should be fairly simple can be (or at least seem to be) complex.

I also think I have a tendency to run away from my problems, as if somehow it will actually help. Things don't disappear and I know this...but its easier when I can physically get away from everything for a while. School, despite how much I love college, has physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted me as if its goal was to make me a raisin. I used to be so eager to learn and now I feel eager to do nothing but sleep.

Tomorrow I will be attending my mom's work Christmas party and I'm excited to dress up for it. I'm excited to continue eating this delicious food my (step)dad makes and I'm excited to see people I missed. I also plan on reading as many books as I possibly can before I head back to educational overload; I have a list of unnecessary book candy on my phone haha. Yea, book candy, in other words its candy for the nerdiness inside in book format....yeah that's all I can write for now. I'll try and keep this updated more.